We had a crazy storm last night. First Storm of winter! .. it's only October y'all! ahhh! we got between 15 and 30 cm ... approx 2 inches. Man was it cold and blustery on my way to work this morning. It reminds me of my childhood. When Halloween costumes were made big enough to fit over snow suits. We lived out in the country so we drove from house to house to Trick or Treat. I can remember the pop cans rolling around in the back seat of the car. Can you believe people used to give out cans of pop?! Can I have summer back? I miss the warmth terribly. But on the bright side I loooooove Halloween! woo hoo! best holiday ever!

This past weekend/week has been one giant cluster fuck from the universe! And not just for me either! It's been madness. Firstly Grease Monkey's roommate is a bitch and decided to give him the boot so we've been in a mad panic to find him an apartment in about 2 weeks. It didn't happen but he does have a place to stay for a month. Hopefully we can find him something by then. Otherwise he's moving to B.C. which I can not handle right now. I finally find a good man, the universe can not be that cruel. I refuse to allow it (cus clearly the universe does exactly what i tell it to)

My work friends have been equally fucked up the ass recently. First on saturday D got pulled over on her way in. She was driving on a suspended license (because she had to get to work to pay the damn fines) so she got in hot water and I had to cancel her appointments for the morning. Trust me massage clients aren't happy when they get to their appointment and their therapist isn't there. She might be very well royally screwed and loose her license ... meaning she can't work and we loose business because we are already under staffed.

Then today C got into a car accident with his girlfriend. So he's obviously shaken up and was not at work. Oh and R quit on Friday night so I have to pick up the slack. I'll have to take her Monday night class and work till 9pm. Plus Fridays I'll now be the only admin staff all day working 11-6 ish. oy!

See cluster fuck! arrrggggg

yeah i can't believe it either, the weekend goes way too fast. Especially since I have a wonderful new man to spend it with. My Grease Monkey sure makes me smile (he's a mechanic by the way lol). He met my family over thanksgiving and it went really well ... their craziness didn't scare him away so i guess he's a keeper. wink wink.

i worked a long shift today because i had to substitute a class for a co-worker. she was at a doula workshop so i was more than willing to help out ... except that the class runs till 9. 9! wow am i ever tired. i'm contemplating movign on from my current place. I've been there well over a year now and i've definitely hit the glass ceiling. And trust me .. capping out at $11/hr sucks hard. i've gotten so much experience and knowledge from working there and i love my co-workers so it will definitely be hard. that being said the job hunt starts now! woo hoo .... eep.

and in other news i did get my meds checked. seems like my body has adapted to them. so the plan is to ween off them and then start a new drug to see how that goes. so if i seem bitchy it's because i have no paxil and am dizzy. ;)

that's all for now folks!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

Is it bad to feel ... uncertain of how you feel? I pride myself on being fairly self-aware. I try very hard to cultivate a mind-body awareness and to teach it to my students. But lately, man do i ever feel out of touch. I don't even have the impetus to even try to meditate. I know it will probably help and I'll feel better for having tried but I feel weighted down. I sincerely hope that it's not depression rearing it's ugly head again. I think I'll make an appointment to have my meds evaluated. But somehow I feel it may be different. I am confused with my own emotions. Do i love my job or do i dread it? Which man does my heart tell me to go after? I have no clue and I think that makes it worse. It makes me sad. Maybe one day .. hopefully someday soon I'll figure out what my heart wants. Cus damn it I would really like to know.

It's hard to believe it's mid september. The days go by so quickly. Life has been very overwhelming lately. I've taken the past few days off to stave off a cold and try and get things into perspective. And actually writing that i just realized I have laundry in the wash that I completely forgot about. I swear lately I have no memory. It's as if my friends' placenta brain is catching. I bought a planner/daily organizer. Never before have i needed one and now i even forget to write things down so i can remember them later. Hopefully fall will help with a new beginning. Clear out the cobwebs. Fall is all about destruction as change. Crisp cool winds blowing away the old. Hopefully it blows out the cotton between my ears.

I have the lyrics of a Jolie Holland song rolling around in my head. Mad Tom of Bedlam. It seems very old fashioned to me, like dusty bibles and creaky floorboards. Beautiful in it's rusticness. So here are the lyrics. And go google her to take a listen.

To see Mad Tom of Bedlam
Ten thousand miles I've travelled
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes
To save her shoes from gravel

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

I went down to Satan's kitchen
For to break my fast one morning
And there I got souls popping hot
All on the spits a-turnin'

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

They' spirits got hot as lightning
Did on that journey guide me
The sun did shake and the pale moon quake
Wherever they did spy me

Yet it's well that we sing bonny boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

My staff has murdered giants
And my pack a long knife carries
For to slice mince pies from children's thighs
From which to feed the faeries
It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money
Tonight I'll go a murderin'
The man in the moon to a powder
His dog I'll shake and his staff I'll break
And I'll howl a wee bit louder

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

To see Mad Tom of Bedlam
Ten thousand miles I've travelled
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes
To save her shoes from gravel
It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money