She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, shell tell you shes an orphan
After you meet her family

She paints her eyes as black as night, now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pains gonna make everything alright

(chorus)
Says she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
She talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name

She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet

She dont know no lover,
None that I ever seen
Yes, to her that aint nothing
But to me, yeah me,
Its everything

She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah, theres a smile when the pain comes,
The pains gonna make everything alright, alright yeah

(chorus)

-The Black Crows
This song has been in my head lately. It speaks to my lonliness, why or how i have no clue. it just does. I guess today I feel like her. It sounds so beautiful. And I suppose that it makes sense considering some of my views. There is a line in the Mist of Avalon that goes approximately thus: the goddess is in everything; everything beautiful and harrowing. But my heart takes it a step further. There is beauty in everything. Sometimes the harrowing is beauty itself. And I think that that's what I want .... my harrowing beauty to be recognized.

I don't even believe in Hell yet if there was one this would be it. I haven't been writing much lately, it's been too hard. Last Monday my grandmother passed away. She was 92, the matriarch of our huge family, and very loved. So I have been immensely sad. I was too afraid to put 'pen to paper' as I was afraid that it would make it more real. But I'm accepting it. Now that all the family stuff to be dealt with is well and truly over I can let it sink in. It was her time and I'm actually happy for her. Though it still royally sucks.

Because of my grandmother I had the week off to do the usual funeral stuff. Getting back to work on Sat. and today was rough. Everyone is super supportive but apparently they can't function for shit without me. So it's been very busy, and I have a list of stuff to do tomorrow. Oy.

I've been dealing though.

until....

I get this unbelievable email from a friend of my ex-boyfriend. Now please keep in mind we dated for 4 months only and have been broken up for about 1 month. It's been pretty rough on him apparently. And I admit I didn't handle things the way I should have but all told just saying that you don't know if you love someone and then breaking up with them isn't that bad. He returned gifts I gave him, random things he bought when I was around, basically everything. He has told me that I have destroyed him, he can never love again, and that he's failing university because of me. But this email takes the cake. She said, and I quote "He wants to kill himself and it will be your fault if he does, dont let him do this." (I corrected spelling and grammar so I guess it's not a direct quote)

WHAT THE FUCK!???!!!!!

Can you say emotional blackmail? How does 'he hates you' and 'he wants you back' correlate at all?! I refuse to take that, it's not mine, I will not carry that. Nothing anybody does is because of you, it's because of their own reality. NOw I just have to belive that emotionally. good luck me. fuck! and i was so excited for the Lyle Lovett concert tomorrow. AAAHHH!!!

i'm getting sick. i woke up this morning with an unbelievably sore throat. and charged into action. vit c, echinecea, jal neti, and extra fibre. for any person curious if you dilute prune juice with water and hold your nose you can conceivably get it down. but as the day progressed i've felt worse and worse. after teaching my class my voice is barely above a whisper. i'm so not looking forward to tomorrow. it is my day off but i still have things to do. first day off in 6 days and i was so excited. but now? blech. and i can't sleep right now so that isn't great either. hopefully i can nip this in the bud .. it took my co-worker for a loop. fingers crossed people!

Well I spent most of today at work doing a course. It's called The Fundamentals of Energy Healing. It was very good. It was theory of energy healing and philosophy that can be applied to yoga, thai massage, and ayurveda. I was taking it towards my 200 hour certification in Thai Massage. It was amazing. I learnt so much about myself. And ways to deepen my teaching of yoga and better facilitate the healing of others. It took alot out of me though. I feel so very open and susceptible to other's energies. I need to ground myself but am finding it hard. So when I got home and opened an email from the friend of my very infantile ex stating that he wants to talk to me I freaked. Am freaking. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I do not want to deal with this shit anymore. I am so over him and so wanted to be done with the stress he adds to my life. I don't know what to do. So it went incredibly inspiring and growth filled to really fucking shitty. men suck ... and so does my attitude and i don't fucking care.

For today's thursday Music-a-thon (see see I'm actually posting again!) I choose Pantera. Mostly because I've been reading the March issue of Guitar World Magazine and it's devoted to Dimebag Darrell in anniversary of his death 3 years ago. Dime was one lucky man ... amazing talent. great success. and a woman who loved him. Rita (Dime's girlfriend of 20 yrs.) was on LA Ink recently to get a tattoo in memory of Darrell.

Pantera was a pretty sweet Metal band. In the tradition of true metal bands. With a very riff heavy sounds reminiscent of Van Halen but much harder and grittier. Now in general I don't listen to much metal. I'm mostly a folk rock kinda gal. But for truth I listen to pretty much everything it just all depends on my mood. And metal is so very cathartic. So if you've never given Pantera a chance do so and if you have well rock on!

I feel good today but have got no inspiration for a lengthly post. So i shall leave you with come link-ly love. I know Deb (red shoe ramblings) will get a kick out of them when she gets back.

Because I'm newly single and I do so love a bearded man (lumberjacks? oh yay)

www.myspace.com/beardsforpeace

www.myspace.com/womenforbeards

enjoy!

Interstitial fluid is a solution which bathes and surrounds the cells of multicellular animals. It is the main component of the extracellular fluid, which also includes plasma and transcellular fluid.
On average, a person has about 11 litres (2.4 imperial gallons) of interstitial fluid providing the cells of the body with nutrients and a means of waste removal. (from wikipedia)

I believe I have stated before how much I love Google. Well I'll say it again. I LOVE Google!! I could not for the life of me remember what the difference between interstitial fluid and extracellular was. There was a big discussion at work and it was decided that I would go search google for the answer. well surprise they're the exact same thing! grrr. All this because I'm reading the text book Anatomy and Physiology for Midwives for fun. It's actually an awesome book. All full of uteruses (uteri?) and placenta and cellular functions. woo hoo! okay so I'm a dork .... no telling!