It's so funny. I had so much planned to say but then i finally get to sit down to write and the big blank white screen scares away all of my ideas. But since all of my fantabulous ideas have flown away I guess I'll just tell y'all about my weekend. Which was great. I worked Saturday as per usual and then we went to M's staff christmas party. It was great though he works at a gym so you can imagine the guys he works with. Then Sunday was at my parents' place. The 4 of us decorated the tree and made a gingerbread house. It was the perfect pre-christmas weekend. I even kind of enjoyed the huge snow storm we had. There is so much snow here! There are some snow drifts that are knee deep. We had to dig out 2 cars on sunday. Plows are still out on Monday night getting rid of all the snow. Pictures will be coming, I just have to get batteries for the camera. I got some awesome shots of the snow ... and our super awesome gingerbread house of course.

It's hard to describe my life right now. It seems so dark and hidey-holey (psh that so makes sense, shush. tehe) Yet there are bits of it that shine. Parts of my life seem perfect. I have an amazing who loves me, even in his emails I can feel his warmth. I sit at my computer alone and feeling lonely look down at the big woolly socks M bought me and feel near giddy with pleasure. That to me is love. But oh there are parts of me that are so unsatisfied with my life. My job is frustrating lately, money troubles have got me down, and i want to move. i feel listless, restless. i'm not good at being happy and settled. i've always got to mix it up. move about. gypsy blood is egging me on. i can't decide if i want to scream or hide in bed forever. Now this is an established pattern for me and I need to learn how to get around it this time with minimal casualties. I blew of a massage and an interview today because I'd rather be asleep. Last time this happened I got in serious trouble at work and the time before that I spent two weeks in bed and dropped out of university. So this really needs to be nipped in the bud. Maybe my new man will help me out. fingers crossed.

I have a totally random confession to make .... I am addicted to LL Bean. Seriously. I live in Canada but totally want to move to New England just so I can wear all LL Bean and use the fun gadgets. I also become ridiculously excited when the catalogues come in the mail. And they come alot. One even had a fleece fabric swatch! Also my grandmother and I apparently share the same odd love of the LL Bean catalogue. oh man. My Nanny people! I feel like i belong in a cabin with a bottle tree, a shotgun, and lots of cats. That sounds rather appealing actually. Well minus the shotgun but a broom to shoo 'youngins' will do nicely.

please not this is not my picture ... all hail the google image search

Today is just a day, in a long line of days. And I am finally living those days at least partially in the present. Because of course being totally 'present' is very hard. But I'm trying. And it's going well. So I figured it was time for a little update. What exactly has bhavana been doing to keep her away from blogging? Well blizzards for one. We have soooooo much snow and it's supposed to be our coldest winter in 15 years. yikes! I'm now teaching 6 classes a week. 6 can you believe it?! And of course there is finding time to spend with M and do house work. Not to mention trying to fit some sort of creative pursuit in there somewhere. It's December! And that means Christmas. I've already started shopping. I usually don't start until about the 15th and am always rushing about. I guess all this snow is really getting me into the xmas spirit, and that is just fine by me. *phew* I feel like that was a bit of verbal diarrhea, one long run on sentence that needed to just get out of me. so now you know and my 'i haven't posted a blog' guilt has been assuaged. kidding. sort of.