Life is so damn confusing lately. I don't know what I want or what I should want. I feel a lot of frustration lately and that in and of itself makes me feel guilty. I've been having a fair number of health concerns of late. Nothing serious individually but when you add up all the little things it certainly feels like my body is betraying me. It's really hard for me to feel that way. I've always been very connected to my physical body ... it's frustrating to not be able to fix it all instantly. Also living with anxiety and depression makes the motivation to get up and fix things hard to come by. I would much rather sleep an extra 30 minutes in the morning than get up and make myself proper food and do yoga. Which if course makes me feel guilty. People are right when they talk about vicious circles.

On top of feeling unhealthy I am also fairly unhappy at work. I had another girl quit so now I am literally the only admin staff member as well as the only full time yoga teacher. It makes me want to pull all my hair out! I should mention i make a whopping $11 an hour so i definitely fall below the poverty line while trying to manage a business i have no authority over. Talk about frustration! I desperately want to quit but am having trouble finding the courage.

So this is my new prayer ... my new quest. Courage. where do people find the courage to stand up and be honest with themselves. where do i find the courage to be truthful to myself?

I'm from our good Nation's Capital and I like it that way. My Grease Monkey recently got transferred to London, Ontario and it sucks ass! It was very sudden and very much in the realm of getting screwed over. I highly doubt it followed any labour laws. He went down for a meeting with his District Manager about possibly moving down if he couldn't find a place to live. They informed him that he started the next day, granted he got a promotion out of it. But I still HATE it! I miss him so much. We've decided that there is no chance of us breaking up over it. He's going to find a way to come back. One of our options was me moving to London. But I just can't do it. We toyed with the idea of moving to BC. I'd prefer that option to London but I still don't know if I can do it. All of my family and friends are here. People make up such a huge part of my life .. I'm afraid I would feel too isolated. I feel a bit guilty for making him do all the moving about for me. Ottawa is my city, it's isn't hisOur sorta-solution?

Webcam!

Behold my first attempts to figure out how to use it ;)

Worked out pretty good me thinks! Now how to master actual videos. haha :D wish me luck in tech land peoples .. i'm outa my depth here.