Life is so damn confusing lately. I don't know what I want or what I should want. I feel a lot of frustration lately and that in and of itself makes me feel guilty. I've been having a fair number of health concerns of late. Nothing serious individually but when you add up all the little things it certainly feels like my body is betraying me. It's really hard for me to feel that way. I've always been very connected to my physical body ... it's frustrating to not be able to fix it all instantly. Also living with anxiety and depression makes the motivation to get up and fix things hard to come by. I would much rather sleep an extra 30 minutes in the morning than get up and make myself proper food and do yoga. Which if course makes me feel guilty. People are right when they talk about vicious circles.
On top of feeling unhealthy I am also fairly unhappy at work. I had another girl quit so now I am literally the only admin staff member as well as the only full time yoga teacher. It makes me want to pull all my hair out! I should mention i make a whopping $11 an hour so i definitely fall below the poverty line while trying to manage a business i have no authority over. Talk about frustration! I desperately want to quit but am having trouble finding the courage.
So this is my new prayer ... my new quest. Courage. where do people find the courage to stand up and be honest with themselves. where do i find the courage to be truthful to myself?