My life is crazy, crazy i tell ya! It seems like I'm always on the go lately. From work to play its all so much. It would be nice to have two days off in a row instead of spread throughout the week. It seems like it takes me so long to wind down lately. I suppose more meditation is in order. Wow okay this going to be a really short post but the words just aren't flowing tonight. ah well, there's always tomorrow.

So Wednesdays are my day off from work and they are usually pretty mellow. I slept in untill noon today! I feel like a terrible person. Okay not really but I can't sleep now. A friend a haven't seen in months called to see if I wanted to go shopping and to catch up. Of course I want to shop! and no I don't want to buy anything. So basically we went to all the fancy dress stores at the local mall and tried on ballgowns. Glitter and polkadots (i love polkadots) and lace and glam! Oh My! I was in heaven. Except for even the dresses in the petites store were too big. The little russian seamstress lady said that I needed work. I laughed (once we left of course) because I couldn't help but love her. To *S* she says 'you, beautiful' then turns to me and says 'you, you need work' It kills me! Except when I think about how the god-damned smallest size in a petite store doesn't fit me. Stupid genetics. But it was so much fun trying on ankle-length white gowns (i looked like a creepifying dead princess) and the knee-length sparkly affair (i just looked like a slutty disco-ball) I love being a girl .. even as adults we get to play dress-up :D

Ya'll are super lucky you get two blogs in one day! Mostly because I'm home all alone today while everybody is at work and I just have to rant. I hate the newspaper. Most of the time at least. I live in Canada's capital, you'd think we would have at least a decent newspaper. Reading today's Ottawa Citizen made me want to cry tears of frustration. First of all the sports section should not come before the actual news 'city' section. I don't give a crap about sports and i'm sure the people who do would be willing to find the section at the back of the paper like in every other respectable newspaper. But my biggest issue is with the 'arts' section. I counted the # of articles and got a whopping 7 articles! For a 6 page section no less. Also I don't think the top movies at the box office or the shameless 'watch this tv program' plug count as art so please change the count of articles to 5. WTF!?!?!! That's disgusting. Are you telling me that a city with the National Arts Centre and over 5 museums plus the National Art Gallery of Canada can only find 5 news worthy arts articles? The comics and Dear Abbey are not art, neither are the 3 pages of adds. The Ottawa Sun, which is our city's half news, half tabloid paper has a better art section. oy! The Capital of Canada should have a better newspaper than that; we should at least be on par with the Toronto Star if not The New York Times. arg!!!

phew okay I'm done now .. not any happier but finished with the rant .. for now.

Oh how I love to read so .... This is a book meme (woo hoo!) from the very fabulous Deb at http://debrichardson.com/blog/

1. Hardcover or Paperback, and why?
Hardcover for the most part. They feel so genuine. They give a very satisfied feel when you read them. They have a nice weight in your hands. And they look so beautiful up on the bookshelf.

2. If I were to own a bookshop I would call it...
This is a dream of mine. To own a second-hand and rare bookshop. At this point in time (it may very well change) I think I would call it 'The Book Caravan'

3.My Favourite quote from a book is
"I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry" Elizabeth Bennett To Mr. Darcy. Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

4.The author (alive or deceased) I would love to have lunch with is
Shakespeare. I'm dying to ask him if he really wrote all those amazing plays and to ask if he knew Chaucer.

5.If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except from the SAS survival guide, it would be
Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy ... all in one book of course.

6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that...
Gets rid of the need for bookmarks. I can never find one when I need it so most of my books are marked with scraps of paper or receipts. I've even used hair elastics and bracelets before.

7. The smell of an old book reminds me of…
Well it doesn't necessarily remind me of anything in particular except for libraries and university but it does give me a most immense sense of well being and love. Book smell is the best smell ever.

8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be…
I hate to be boring but Elizabeth Bennett from Pride & Prejudice. I can't help but be totally enamored of that woman. I also would love to be Morgaine from The Mists of Avalon

9. The most overestimated book of all time is…
Without a doubt Wuthering Heights. I don't get why people like that book let alone read it at all. It's positively terrible, I can't stand the bloody thing

10. I hate it when a book…
Ends before I think it should. If I love a book I want as much information as possible about what happens after the conflict resolution. I hate it when they just end and you want the story to continue.

Hope you liked it. Everyone and anyone should do this meme, just tell me cus I want to read your answers :)

There are times when it feels like your entire day has been run on one breath. And by the time you get to the end of the day you are seriously oxygen depleted. The day just never ends. And by the time you have some spare moments to relax you are already looking forward to the next day. When this happens I always try to make a concerted effort to slow down and take some deep breaths. But to be honest that is really hard. Often times the entire day has passed by before I've caught myself becoming one long run-on sentence. What it all boils down to is an excerise in self-awarness. And that is one hard lesson to learn. On the whole I consider myself to be pretty self-aware. I can readily admit to my faults, to my habits, my process of doing things. But then sometimes that statement seems pretty damn arrogant. I'm no guru, I don't know all there is to know about myself let alone anything else. I've had teachers that could look right through me and see something I certainly never could. It takes time and alot of practice to grow to that kind of Seeing. But I guess that's the point of life, to try, to grow, to practice. It may take a thousand life-times to get there but eventually I'll 'get it'

It's that day again .. thursday! I haven't been that inspired to blog the last couple of days but I can always talk about music *insert goofy grin here* So for this thursday's installment I present you with ....

Devendra Banhart www.myspace.com/devendrabanhart or http://www.devendrabanhart.com/

Devendra is my favourite musician (well tied with David Crosby). The creativity that flows out of this man completely blows my mind. Holy Crap but I love him. His music is folk/hippie music ... with rock, samba,roots elements all mixed in. Devendra's amazing spirit shines like a beacon right through his music. It always makes me smile. And his stage presence is amazing as well. He is currently on tour and I was lucky enough to get to see him in Toronto. The music hall where the concert was held wouldn't let people dance in the aisles so Devendra invited as many people as would fit up onto the stage to dance. Devendra is my one true 'star' and I got to shake the man's hand that night and boogie my but off on stage. That was one true hippie fest let me tell you. So go have a listen and tell me your thoughts on my own personally god of music.

Oh and I should also mention that he is one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen. please note that neither of these pictures are mine ... all hail the google image search. Haha funniest thing ever ... Charles Manson divided by Orlando Bloom = Devendra Banhart (purely looks-wise people, no nutters here)

I'm of two minds when it comes to 'Technology.' Now on one hand I think inovation is great. Man keeps striving for that next step and if we didn't do that we wouldn't have indoor plumbing or electricity. And I am all for indoor plumbing even if I could live without electricity. I am also seriously addicted to the internet. I would die (figuratively speaking) if I couldn't check facebook or read everybody's blog. The facebook addiction is rather pathetic, it annoys me sometimes but I really do love the stupid thing.

But then on the other hand tech sucks. It seems our entire planet has become ridiculously dependent on it. I often wish I could just move to a cottage in the woods and not deal with it at all. I also have some issues with tech were as it doesn't always work that well for me. For instance I have been known to cause computer crashes, electronic malfunctions, and turn off street lights with my very pressence. It can be highly annoying. Getting into hotel rooms is impossible for me, in fact any key card room is impossible. I used to have to get people to come with me to the computer labs in university so I could get in. So I fully supprt the use of oil lamps and snail mail.

It is very interesting to see the degree to which some people need technology to survive (or so they may think). It makes me wonder what sort of mess we would be in if technology stopped working. There are so many circumstances where that could happen at any time. Its a bit of a scary thought.

This has been one crazy weekend! I've been unbelievably busy. On friday I left the house at 8:20 am and got home at midnight. granted i got to shop after work but that still makes for a very long day. and sat was just as busy. Though M and I did have a really good night; work was still well work. Even though my job is fantastic its still a job and i don't think that there is anyone who can say they've never complained about having to work. I finally got a bookcase for my room and am actually getting close to being organised. I think I might be the least organised person ever. At work I can be completely anal about everything being organised but when I get home it all goes down the drain. I just can't be bothered. And then I start feeling overwhelmed. But now that I have everything organized I can start creating again. And I'm so excited for that! Its hard to feel good when the creative juices just aren't flowing. Maybe there is something to Feng Shui after all. I don't know what I'll do tomorrow before I have to work at 5:30 but I fell like I have so many options now. No more laying in bed to try and ignore the physical and mental clutter. Tomorrow looks bright, even if it is rainy outside.

Well as I'm sure I've mentioned before I can't spend a day without music. It's too much a part of me to ever be missing. So from now on, on thursdays (arbitrarily picked because well today is thursday) I will tell you a bit about a band/musician that I love and that you should all feel obliged to check out :D So for my first Thrilling Thursday Music-a-thon I have the pleasure to present to you .... drum roll please (I'm feeling overly dramatic today) .....

Jeff Zentner www.myspace.com/jeffzentner

He's a bit Americana/Indie/Blues/Country aka awesome. His music holds a bit of my soul and articulates it in a way that my meagre words never could. It's so hard to explain. All music seems to hold a piece of me and when you look at all the bits you can see who I am. Jeff's music holds a piece that lately I've been trying to cultivate and bring more to the foreground. It's been a bit too much Scissor Sisters lately. I need to chill. On a front porch in Tennesse. with a cold beer(it would be whisky, it fits better, but i just can't drink the stuff). watching the fireflies flicker in a field of tall grass. making crispy apple pies and cider. mmm.

I love House. It's such an awesome show. I admit that I'm a bit of an addict. And c'mon how cool is Hugh Laurie? He was so funny in Black Adder. But anyway, back to the point. A lot of tonight's episode circled around life after death. And it got me to thinking about all of that jazz. There are so many viewpoints out there. And I really try not to judge and think that maybe everybody is right. What you believe in is what happens to you when you die. That would make sense and is the most politically correct, all encompassing view. But what if that isn't it. What if one group is right and the rest of us aren't? I hate to be mean but I'd be really disappointed if the Christians are right. Mostly because that probably means I'd go to hell. And I very much dislike the idea of hell in general let alone having to go there. I would be seriously upset if there was no reincarnation, no uniting with Brahman for me.

When people have near death experiences they all seem to see different things. Now is that because we all do actually go where our personal beliefs take us? Or is it because there is A) no life after death or B) because there is only one after death; and the people who have these 'near death experiences' aren't actually almost dying so they see what they want to see or what 'god' wants them to see? Ay, dios mia! But there are far too many options and scenarios. And really no way to know. That's why they call it faith i suppose. I try to have faith but sometimes I find it very frustrating. I like science and frankly I want proof. And since that is impossible I'm stuck with faith. It's all rather complicated and annoying really. Well only annoying because I can't get my way. But most of life is like that. It's what makes it worth while. The struggles and the questioning ... it would be boring without all of that.

"God grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change"

One thing I love about october ... Thanksgiving! And it was the perfect day for it today. We spent the day at the Perth Autumn Studio Tour. Perth is a rural town about an hour away from Ottawa. There were potters, painters, glass artists, photographers, knitters. Most of the studios were in barns or outbuildings.

I purchased a handle-less mug from a wonderfully whimsical potter. Though the piece I selected was of her most 'demure' collection. Her work was generally very colourful and organic in feel.

I also picked up a gorgeous blue glass ॐ pendant. I might even be able to take glass blowing lessons from the artist. I've always wanted to learn glass blowing. That and pottery but every class I've ever signed up for gets canceled. One day! She has some pretty great stuff so I'm looking forward to learning from her.

The day was much enjoyed. It has got me in quite the creative mood. Over the next week I think I'll be able to get back into my carving and jewelry making. And that is long over due.

We had our turkey dinner tonight. When we got home we discovered that our smoke alarm had been going for over 4 hours! Many of our neighbours tried to break into the house but figured as they didn't see any smoke it was just the turkey. Which of course it was. I felt do bad for disturbing them all and the poor dog's ears! But after that the dinner went nicely. Some spilt wine but what fancy meal is complete without that? And it was only a Zinfandel so no stains! yay! Ahh what a day! But I must say that over all I'm feeling much more ... put together ... over the past few days. Life is looking good!

All my life I've struggled with not being perfect. If I look deep down that is my greatest desire: to be perfect. And my greatest fear is to not be perfect. So you can imagine the overactive guilt complex I've developed. While being a ballet dancer from the age of 4 has definitely given me unimaginable gifts it has also made me strive to be perfect in everything I do. Which is impossible and I would be one of the first people to tell you that. That's what I teach my students; to be compassionate and non-judgemental towards themselves and accept where they are each day. And yet I am completely unable to practice what I preach. Which adds yet another layer of guilt. This all leads me to wonder what makes so many of us be afraid to be 'perfect'? what is perfection for crying out loud? Everything is subjective so how can we possibly deam anything we do as imperfect? I'm still trying to make myself believe that I am perfect no matter what. And I believe it intellectually but emotionally? that's a whole other story.

Some days start off badly and well really just don't improve. Even with heavy doses of Jane Austen and tea. Two of my personnal favourite addictions. I woke with a migraine. Got in shit for not calling work while I was unable to move because my brain was about to explode out through my eye sockets. And well the day did get better but it certainly wasn't a good day. I think i've become slightly immune to my anti-anxiety meds. If that's even possible so it was not a fun-filled day. I really need to try harder to not sleep 12+ hours a night, and start getting back my ayurvedic diet, and do my daily practice. I'm so not good at daily life. But if you need me to plan something for 10 years in the future I'm your gal. Which doesn't really help anybody much. Maybe tomorrow will start a new pattern along with a new day ... we can always hope.

It's finally october! yipee :D I love fall. It's getting colder. The sweaters have come out of storage. My Great-Nanny's rather tattered quilt has gone on the bed. The Indian corn has been hung. Gourds have been purchased. Tomorrow some Habitant pea soup will be consumed. Now all that's needed is some new chunky-knit socks and some pumpkin pie. Oh maybe i'll get that pumpkin muffin from starbucks ... mmm I'm liking this idea. Gosh darn it but I do love fall.

I always seem to be listening to Devendra Banhart when I'm online. Which is just fine by me. Well date two (yesterday) went smashingly. The movie was surprisingly good. Russel Crowe makes a good, not to mention very attractive, cowboy. The date was even extended to include food and plans for next weekend. Which frankly is an excellent sign. He is rather shy though. Two fairly long dates and not a single kiss. Unless you include a peck on the cheek, which I don't. I'm fully okay with this, makes for a bit of a nice change. Respect seems to be increasingly hard to come by.

Today was amazingly calm and relaxing. Always nice on my one day off a week. Walked the dog at the dog park. He did so well, he even played with some other dogs! Considering he's a rescue, is really tiny (a dachshund), and is not fully mobile because he was paralysed last year this is a huge step. I'm so proud *insert goofy grin hear*.

Bhavana