I'm so bad at post titles......

Thursday was fantastic. I had a date and I think I can honestly say it was the best I've been on. He was sweet and attentive but not to the point where I felt uncomfortable. We met at 3:30 and I didn't get home until 1am. And the best part was that we literally spent that entire time talking. He was very intelligent and articulate (not even counting he's a french native speaker). I've had butterflies thinking about him all day and I mean really that's the best measure of a date ... or so i think. Plus when I checked my email at work this morning he had emailed me to say he had a great time. So I think it was pretty mutual. yay. finally someone to be excited about. I'll keep y'all updated.

Well now ... Miss Deb over at Red Show Ramblings always has the most fantastic ideas and memes. I particularly like this one. The would be Oscars. Basically choose a dress, accessories, date etc. that you would wear to the Oscars .. if you could wear anything. It would fit you and look fabulous no matter your body type, colouring, and all that jazz. So here goes....

That would be the dress ... just picture it in antique cream and completely lace, minus the strange swag across the torso and of course keeping the lovely black ribbon. Damn near impossible to find a photo of but this comes close enough.The shoes! enough said i think.
And of course these lovely Deco teardrop earrings.

Devendra Banhart would obviously be my handsome date *sigh*

And of course I'd wear something flowy and bohemian for the after parties. Something completely inappropriate to wear to an Oscars party and it would be fabulous! something maybe like this ....

Now that was fun *grins*

Oh I feel good people! I've been able to shrug off the funk. to M i say f you bitch. I'm my own damn person and i'll be damned if you are going to scare me out of living my life. So on that front everything is fine now. The police helped me sort stuff out and I'm ready to roll. Work was busy but fun. Everybody was in a good mood today, regaling each other with stories of drunken debauchery and David hasselhof youtube videos. Tomorrow is a full day but i'm surprisingly not dreading a saturday shift as much as usual. We'll see how it goes.

She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, shell tell you shes an orphan
After you meet her family

She paints her eyes as black as night, now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pains gonna make everything alright

(chorus)
Says she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
She talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name

She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet

She dont know no lover,
None that I ever seen
Yes, to her that aint nothing
But to me, yeah me,
Its everything

She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah, theres a smile when the pain comes,
The pains gonna make everything alright, alright yeah

(chorus)

-The Black Crows
This song has been in my head lately. It speaks to my lonliness, why or how i have no clue. it just does. I guess today I feel like her. It sounds so beautiful. And I suppose that it makes sense considering some of my views. There is a line in the Mist of Avalon that goes approximately thus: the goddess is in everything; everything beautiful and harrowing. But my heart takes it a step further. There is beauty in everything. Sometimes the harrowing is beauty itself. And I think that that's what I want .... my harrowing beauty to be recognized.

I don't even believe in Hell yet if there was one this would be it. I haven't been writing much lately, it's been too hard. Last Monday my grandmother passed away. She was 92, the matriarch of our huge family, and very loved. So I have been immensely sad. I was too afraid to put 'pen to paper' as I was afraid that it would make it more real. But I'm accepting it. Now that all the family stuff to be dealt with is well and truly over I can let it sink in. It was her time and I'm actually happy for her. Though it still royally sucks.

Because of my grandmother I had the week off to do the usual funeral stuff. Getting back to work on Sat. and today was rough. Everyone is super supportive but apparently they can't function for shit without me. So it's been very busy, and I have a list of stuff to do tomorrow. Oy.

I've been dealing though.

until....

I get this unbelievable email from a friend of my ex-boyfriend. Now please keep in mind we dated for 4 months only and have been broken up for about 1 month. It's been pretty rough on him apparently. And I admit I didn't handle things the way I should have but all told just saying that you don't know if you love someone and then breaking up with them isn't that bad. He returned gifts I gave him, random things he bought when I was around, basically everything. He has told me that I have destroyed him, he can never love again, and that he's failing university because of me. But this email takes the cake. She said, and I quote "He wants to kill himself and it will be your fault if he does, dont let him do this." (I corrected spelling and grammar so I guess it's not a direct quote)

WHAT THE FUCK!???!!!!!

Can you say emotional blackmail? How does 'he hates you' and 'he wants you back' correlate at all?! I refuse to take that, it's not mine, I will not carry that. Nothing anybody does is because of you, it's because of their own reality. NOw I just have to belive that emotionally. good luck me. fuck! and i was so excited for the Lyle Lovett concert tomorrow. AAAHHH!!!