Is it bad to feel ... uncertain of how you feel? I pride myself on being fairly self-aware. I try very hard to cultivate a mind-body awareness and to teach it to my students. But lately, man do i ever feel out of touch. I don't even have the impetus to even try to meditate. I know it will probably help and I'll feel better for having tried but I feel weighted down. I sincerely hope that it's not depression rearing it's ugly head again. I think I'll make an appointment to have my meds evaluated. But somehow I feel it may be different. I am confused with my own emotions. Do i love my job or do i dread it? Which man does my heart tell me to go after? I have no clue and I think that makes it worse. It makes me sad. Maybe one day .. hopefully someday soon I'll figure out what my heart wants. Cus damn it I would really like to know.

It's hard to believe it's mid september. The days go by so quickly. Life has been very overwhelming lately. I've taken the past few days off to stave off a cold and try and get things into perspective. And actually writing that i just realized I have laundry in the wash that I completely forgot about. I swear lately I have no memory. It's as if my friends' placenta brain is catching. I bought a planner/daily organizer. Never before have i needed one and now i even forget to write things down so i can remember them later. Hopefully fall will help with a new beginning. Clear out the cobwebs. Fall is all about destruction as change. Crisp cool winds blowing away the old. Hopefully it blows out the cotton between my ears.